Letting Go Of The Past

So another day closer to NYE, another day closer to the reality of a resolution that certainly does and has taken me days (years) to make real. Something I have worked on again and again, chipping away pieces, only to come to a moment of release being the terminal word. Terminally clutching a bar that has had me hanging over a chasm of chaos, seemingly, impossible to deal with.

I have been having the most intense dreams and visions that this choice has been resonating through my conscious and subconscious states. My will driving me towards healing and my will forcing me to be blind to my desires out of the terrifying fear of my own metaphorical death. I have been through death in the physical, which did change me. It has never been nearly as frightening as my fears of the internal dread I must face with real change. Change based in a completely conscious choice to do so. To watch a life, a way of thinking, in fact a life-time quietly pass.

I am breathing, I can and will allow mySelf, the one that loses just when a win can change everything, the appreciation I have for the one that has pulled myself up from my proverbial bootstraps a thousand times to prove and vindicate myself, so many times I am finally bored with the fairytale. The hero, must now die.

To have a chance to live a creative and magical existence, the past must cease to exist, and only I can take it's life, empowerment is like that. There is no future in repetition. History is and can be over, only it must be individually chosen. Courage, Will and Imagination, is what supersedes repetition, at least for me. The past is not what I have lived, my mother will still be my mother of course. It is the function of how I have interpreted those things, the Stories and Myths I have bestowed on life's characters and it's situations. Which ultimately is a pattern of thinking, the past is nothing more than a pattern we reconstruct time and again out of a fear of creating something different. Structures are breaking down.

What things do you seem to keep re-living? What failure? What success? Either one is here to teach, patterns are "integrities" to be recognized. Early acknowledgments are the paths of least resistance to change,with possibilities and potentials left intact. Late recognition/denial is a path of struggle and pain, whatsitgonnabe?