Birthdays

Today is the birthday of the most significant person in my life right now. I can't help but feel a loss in myself not spending it with her. I am in some pain, the separation and longing to be with her. It is not a pain that is upsetting so much as a sweet, soulful, softly smiling sort of pain, missing her face, her smile, her presence. To feel her, to feel the resonance of her, to see everything in her, as the world reflects her on a day that most closely holds her choices, desires for herself, and her resonance. Also paying attention to her lifetime archetype numbers 17,and 8 her birth numbers, (Star and Strength *). Today is different, it is a day in the future of her birth, and these new archetypes will influence her this year, the new energies are 19,10,1 (Sun, Wheel of Fortune, Magician)*. Which happen to be my birth numbers. a rare configuration to be born with, they are the manifestors numbers. It's like she will be seeing the world with my energies this year, it is exciting to me to be able to witness her, in her next year.
I also am feeling so much not spending it with her. So much difference, staying focused on someone, when they are not in your physical world. This is her day, the day she came here into this existence, something about her energy that has filled my life with so much grace. This is not the exact day and moment, not exactly of course, but it is a metaphorical representation of THAT day combined with the influences of THIS day. I am and will be aware of every moment today, sending her my feelings of caring, love and support. Looking to the actual time she was born, waiting for that moment today to see what happens, what might occur... What is significant in that minute for her, for me? What was in that time and day she decided, THIS is it? Noticing the weather, the elemental energies of the day. The "feelings" of how this (her) time feels, knowing these energies were her choice to be here.
The vegatation at this time of year is amazing, so incredibly beautiful, I see her beauty and her attention to detail in color and light. The utter expression of the feminine The landscape truly refects the artistry of nature. So much a part of her. I see so much woman in her, the feminine truly exhalted. I also clearly see her masculine, spirited, effervescent, so ready to change and become more.
I have driven from LA-SF many times and I have never seen such beauty as I do at this time. The Almond trees are blooming, so are the plum and pear, hues of pinks and so many whites, the rolling bright green hills so filled with love and life, they look so peacefully happy, these hills are in joy and peace simultaneously, that is when my soul tends to sing, just as it does when we are quietly together, I see and feel her here. Everything filled, so prolific, full of light and life the richness the fullness, the pregnancy of this time, so in alignment with her ability to create with beauty and harmony. Such an abundant quality, the environment is wet, full of emotions, beginning to wake up. So many plants and trees stirring, it feels like a very soulful time to begin one's process, one's life. Even the light is not too direct, condusive to a soft and subtle enthusiasm, reminds me of our morning walks togther. Always nice and peaceful, and excited to see what the day will bring. I think there is nothing more profound and reflective than to be very present on a person's birthday. I especially love to do this. It feels like a deeply loving thing while I am doing it, it feels I am immersed in them in the physical expression of, in a way that i can feel everything, my imagination and intellect engaged, seeing the sum of all her parts in a very magical and esoteric way. It is my way to pay attention, that is one way I seem to love. Even though I will not be with her I will honor her today, respect and acknowledge her. She is in every thought, in all that I do, I love you, it is my will that you feel a peace and a warmth throughout this day, your day, my special day.

* Strength-8 The theme here is controlled strength, or inner resolve that is directed toward a goal. The Thoth deck shows a naked young woman riding on the back of a seven-headed lion. She is overcome with ecstasy. She holds the reins in her left hand and the Holy Grail in her right hand. In the background are the bloodless images of all of the saints. Along the top are shown ten serpents. This card represents courage and inner strength. The imagery suggests the archetypes of goodness and endurance.

Star-17 The main symbol here is a star. One or more stars is shown over the head of a goddess who is pouring water from two vases into a pool. The goddess is usually shown naked, although the Marseilles deck shows her partially clothed. She is Isis, the goddess of nature, and the waters are the Waters of Life. She is shown returning individual water into a collective pool, thus indicating that nothing in life is ever lost. The theme here is one of hope. The Thoth deck shows the naked Egyptian goddess Nut. Her right hand is held high, and she pours water from a gold cup onto her head. Her left hand is held low, and she pours the immortal liquor of life from a silver cup onto the junction of land and water. Behind her is a celestial globe on which is a seven-pointed Star of Venus. In the left-hand corner is a seven-pointed Star of Babalon. This card represents hope and promise. The imagery suggests Jung's archetype of the star. According to von Franz (Boa, 1992) Jung taught that the star symbolizes that part of the personality that survives death; the spiritual part of the psyche.

Magician- 1 This is the Magician, the divine Messenger, Mercury, Hermes, and Thoth. The Marseilles deck shows a parlor magician going through a magic act of some kind with various `tools of the trade' on a table. This is the popular view of the magician -- one who does sleight of hand, and who employs gimmickery. The Waite and Golden Dawn decks are more sophisticated. They both show a magician in robes, with his four traditional weapons: a sword, a wand, a cup, and a pentacle. The Thoth deck shows him with a naked golden body, smiling, with winged feet standing in front of a large caduceus. In his right hand he hold a style and in his left hand, a papyrus. The card shows a monkey, swords, cup, wand, and pentacle. This card represents the will.
The Wheel of Fortune-10 The main symbol of this card is a wheel. The wheel is a symbol for cycles, and the card represents the law of cyclic manifestation. The original symbols of this card were probably meant to portray the doctrine of reincarnation, as well as other cyclic processes. In the Thoth deck stars line the top of the card through which lightning strikes into a mass of blue and violet plumes. In the center is a wheel with 10 spokes. On the wheel are a sworded sphinx (sulphur), Hermanubis (mercury), and Typhon (salt). The wheel is the Eye of Shiva. This card represents evolution and the imagery suggests the archetypes of fate and destiny.

The Sun-19 The main symbol of this card is the sun which is almost always shown with extending rays, and sometimes with a face to suggest solar intelligence. The Marseilles deck shows a young couple together under a sun. The Waite deck shows a naked child riding a horse under a sun. The Golden Dawn deck shows two naked children holding hands under a sun. The sun, as the generator of light and heat, is the symbol for life and the forces of conscious creativity. The Thoth deck shows a green mound beneath a flaming 12-rayed yellow sun. Two winged children dance together on the mound, but a wall prevents them from the summit. At the feet of each child is a rose and cross. Around the card are the signs of the Zodiac. The imagery of this card suggests the archetypes of growth, success, and abundance as well as Jung's archetype of the sun.