Do people know how often they contradict themselves?

This is a pretty ridiculous statement. People actually spent time and money on this. Don't tolerate Intolerance. Isn't that an intolerance in itself? This other sticker is on many bumpers, which I find ridiculous as well.

None of these religions really can co-exist, even though they actually do. The only way they can exist is as they do, it will never get better based on the beliefs that establish them. Being they are all based (for the most part) in singular authority.

By that I mean, they hold that someone has to be number one, and it is us and our beliefs, because the best ultimately is first,(the big 1, even looks like a dick). Which incidentally the number one really is the second number, with zero being first. The feminine is always first, represented by "0".


The religions have never been measured against each other under the same criteria, Of course it is and always has been impossible to measure apples to apples, with so much incongruity, but people seem to enjoy doing it anyway. This ultimately is a function of chauvinism. How can the jews actually co-exist with anyone when they think they are the chosen race? They are waiting for God to come and decide and prove ultimately, but in "their end", they believe they will be the last one standing. They also use this position to justify many poor behaviors. There is no co-existing in their belief structure really. They are creating a future where they will be redeemed as the chosen ones. Basically waiting for all who aren't jewish to go to hell, gnash your teeth, or some other awful end.

I am not here to pick on the jews either, I am a heretic, all religion with it's "spiritual systems" are not going to hold up in the future, they are supported by lies and half-truths. Half-truths are worse than lies, because it is difficult to discern the real truth, when some of the statements are close to being right, or have "some" truth in them. The christians are no different, the arabs, catholics, baptists, lutherans, protestants, muslims (screaming the loudest in their chauvinism) There isn't a religion on this sticker that has a future of co-existence, they all think they are right in their perspectives. So right they would die for the arrogance to hold up their "better thans".


The future is where all things originate, not the past. They all are based in a paradigm that will and must cease to exist. The sooner that is recognized the more elegantly we can avoid a lot of struggle and pain now and in our future. Singular authority and linear thinking have reached their peak, it is in a state of diminishing returns. Can we just grow up now and have some far more sacred and possibly gracious ideas? After all adulthood has always been a choice.

Nine

I have always loved the movies, I especially love how my Unconscious communicates to me through them. I have a weekly Sunday evening ritual, I go to the movies, I show up around the times I know a grouping will start, and I just see the next one. This is a RITUAL I have trained myself and my Unconscious for, a most willful habit, as well as leaving it up to the universe to share with me. I do not look at what movies are playing or have any predetermined idea of any kind. When I get there, I look at the times and I go to whatever is playing next. No matter, if I know nothing of the movie, even if I think I have no interest in it. I have occasionally seen some interesting cartoons to say the least! LOL

Tonight I saw NINE. The metaphors were easy and it was simple, not as complex an array such as The Single Man, I will have to see that a couple more times now for sure, too many to deal with in one sitting... Not for the gay element, I'm straight. :-)

It was a story about how every man has to come to the day he will choose manhood, over the addiction of adolescence. How life calls you to move towards having a sense of oneness, togetherness. How torn we can be between the shame of not being in integrity, the powerlessness in that loss of strength when that integrity is breached, and the call of what we once sensed as the raw essence of power within us. How the child part of ourselves, as well as our mother, and our adolescent comes to play when we are maturing. How they need to be fulfilled before we can have a certain level of partnership. To learn how to respond, with our Best Self. Adolescence can be so powerful, for a man, that amazing feeling of invincibility and virility is something that when it wains, or more often than not, the fear of it wains, we can let ourselves be controlled by our own fear of mortality and vulnerability. Fear of a life missing that critical element that feels so much like the essence of being a man. In the Enneagram he is clearly a 7, as am I, (I am also Italian) so there were some particularly poignant moments.

There is also one other element that would pertain to my own metaphor, having to do with the number nine, it is the Archetype of the Hermit. The movie did not reflect any of it's attributes, but since it was the the title, there are some obvious things to consider.
It represents that of the wise way-shower. The hermit is a sage, (like the 5 type) not simply searching for truth and justice but bringing them to others. He stands at a precipice, like the Fool, but knows when to stop. He is not, like the Fool, on a quest or adventure. (like the 7) He seeks to bring light to others. This is one of the positions I place myself in, that of more of a mapmaker, but that is not an archetype. I also see that in order to bring a more clear light, I have more work to do with my child, but that number is in a very significant position, the title. Things are closer than I might sometimes think. I can deal with that, nice! The 7 integrates into the 5.


This week, I will be working a bit deeper and specifically with the connections missing with myself and my mother. Perhaps letting go of this past in particular would serve me greater and more elegantly. I have been over these many times, but I will trust my metaphorical "weekly growth call". I also must take a deeper look at my fear of losing what has always "felt" like the root of being a man, that dominating urge for connection and the movement towards the feminine, combined with the raw energy of conception. What could be more safe and elegant than learning from a movie?

Change

Today I took another level of responsibility in the world, it was time to separate a group of attitudes and beliefs from myself, ie: The consensus. To be a candle flicker outside, to live and illuminate from a new perspective.

I decided to free write today beginning my first sentence with, "My image of "us" as Human Beings is...". This was not for public or even sharing purposes, it was an exercise in Sub-conscious expression. No holding back, anything. Wow, talk about having some epiphanies about how I really see the world. I was amazed at how I believe we/I operate. Included in my perception was how the news portrays us, parents, religions, governments, authorities, different systems etc. All of that right out of my own psyche. I now have a greater understanding of why the world keeps fitting into an old outdated way of seeing it. Why the cry for change has gone mostly unattended. One at a time we must remove ourselves from being driven by outside influences. As it has wisely been said, Nothing Changes Until YOU Do.

I wanted to really get down to the essence of what I had written, so, I broke that down, condensed it to a paragraph, down to a sentence and down to a word. Energetically I am creating a word that holds the energy of my Image, (all my writing from my sub-conscious, defined) the word that came to me and my writing was, Estranged. Huh...

That sounded and felt really right. So much of this at the root of so many of my attitudes, even at it's core my manipulating God, by ME turning my back to them.

–verb (used with object), -tranged, -trang⋅ing.

1.	to turn away in feeling or affection; make unfriendly or hostile; alienate the affections of

share the sense of causing (someone) to turn away from a previously held state of affection, comradeship, or allegiance. Estrange often implies replacement of love or belonging by apathy or hostility

When push came to shove, I have always turned away from love, chosen independence and self-reliance in lieu of receiving from my Self, others and my Soul. I would rather push something away, than be rejected by it.

This is what I have done, much of my life. Not absolutely, I function very well as most would agree, but to move myself to a new level of how to see and function in the world was a constant battle of will, choosing the new direction again and again. This old mentality constantly returning me to a degree of separation, in my own negative judgmental, internal whining (at God, more manipulating like a child) to WHHHY doesn't it CHAAANGE!?? I could never stay (sustain) truly Intimate. With people, places or things. They scare me, because of how I keep seeing the world. My past has shown me they will eventually let me down or worse yet hurt me. Dropping that shizzle today. NEW DEAL.

The world (in short,lol) looked angry, unsafe, without support, separated, difficult, overexerted, alone, without compassion and wounded.

How many of us might be holding that same structure as we look for change?


My NEW word is Accept.

1. to take or receive (something offered); receive with approval
or favor: to accept a present; to accept a proposal.

2.	to agree or consent to; accede to: to accept a treaty; to accept an apology.

3.	to respond or answer affirmatively to

4.	to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc.,

5.	to receive or admit formally

6.	to accommodate or reconcile oneself to

7.	to regard as true or sound; believe: to accept a claim.

to regard as normal, suitable, or usual.

I Accept my connection to all that is, and the gift of being human. My Life can be an open, loving, connected, joyful expression of my humanness. I can live as an individual, and feel completely supported, in a painless, carefree, caring, vulnerable, and intimate with all parts of my life. It goes on, But you get the idea, sounds better doesn't it? I am doing this, You can too.
It takes a perspective shift AND a re-program to be elegantly long-term.

The Futue IS the Source of all Healing

It has been a metaphorical decade of spiraling transcendence that had disguised itself in a mask of doubt, uncertainty, and chaos. Looking back, it was a trip down the rapids that now, after I emerge, I realize, I like it just that way. I turn and face the river with excitement, enthusiasm and a spiritedness that brings tears to my eyes, and an exuberant joy to my heart. There is nothing to fear, only to learn, I have proven to myself I can do just that. I face the next set of rapids that are and can be potentially more treacherous than the last, but I know I have the skill to navigate anything required of me. I sincerely thank all of my teachers, I know you will enjoy watching what you have influenced in me. I am a person I had no idea I could be. There is so much love in me moving forward that there is no where for it to go but out. Congratulations to all of you, I look forward...

Letting Go Of The Past

So another day closer to NYE, another day closer to the reality of a resolution that certainly does and has taken me days (years) to make real. Something I have worked on again and again, chipping away pieces, only to come to a moment of release being the terminal word. Terminally clutching a bar that has had me hanging over a chasm of chaos, seemingly, impossible to deal with.

I have been having the most intense dreams and visions that this choice has been resonating through my conscious and subconscious states. My will driving me towards healing and my will forcing me to be blind to my desires out of the terrifying fear of my own metaphorical death. I have been through death in the physical, which did change me. It has never been nearly as frightening as my fears of the internal dread I must face with real change. Change based in a completely conscious choice to do so. To watch a life, a way of thinking, in fact a life-time quietly pass.

I am breathing, I can and will allow mySelf, the one that loses just when a win can change everything, the appreciation I have for the one that has pulled myself up from my proverbial bootstraps a thousand times to prove and vindicate myself, so many times I am finally bored with the fairytale. The hero, must now die.

To have a chance to live a creative and magical existence, the past must cease to exist, and only I can take it's life, empowerment is like that. There is no future in repetition. History is and can be over, only it must be individually chosen. Courage, Will and Imagination, is what supersedes repetition, at least for me. The past is not what I have lived, my mother will still be my mother of course. It is the function of how I have interpreted those things, the Stories and Myths I have bestowed on life's characters and it's situations. Which ultimately is a pattern of thinking, the past is nothing more than a pattern we reconstruct time and again out of a fear of creating something different. Structures are breaking down.

What things do you seem to keep re-living? What failure? What success? Either one is here to teach, patterns are "integrities" to be recognized. Early acknowledgments are the paths of least resistance to change,with possibilities and potentials left intact. Late recognition/denial is a path of struggle and pain, whatsitgonnabe?

New Beginnings

I am sitting in an upper east side apartment looking out over a cool snowy landscape, being slowly melted by today's rain, so Awesome! I love to be able to visit a season when I feel the need for it. Living in LA is full time summer for the most part, this is great for the moment. I am here to relax, to take in the winter, in all I can, to contemplate the beginning of the next decade, of a new millennium. I need some time for this. For sure it is the fulcrum of the "building years" not my term, but fitting to me.

As a shaman, it is my work, our path, to set tone and intention, ahead of the consensus. To energetically create the map the rest will follow. There is always a beginning to a wave, most will never see. Being awake offers a participation here. I love knowing, being conscious of this. This is the year of Initiation, this is the year that initiates 2012 and beyond, language makes it difficult to be clear here, there are many other energies at play, the 1900's playing their part, the first octave of the new millennium (12 years) coming to a crescendo. The next wave amplifying as we move into the next tone. The one everyone unconsciously, or consciously incompetent awaits. 2012. It is and will be an epic change. You won't see it on that day, it is a marker, for the real change is in the now.

Funny how chaos brings up all the doom and gloomers, the eccentric story tellers. This will be another negative hit for the false beliefs of christianity, when "He" doesn't show up (bad father). What will the sinners do then? Perhaps to finally let it go and live and forgive and realize the only thing time has done for your future in this system, is to create a fearful and painful end. Since there really is no end, what and when does one come to the realization there is a time to live, without a fear of the end?

Responsibility is not a function of "if" it is a function of "when". 2012 will initiate this new "age", so many have talked about. There is a real beginning here, one that has never been available to the consensus, conscious reality creation. The most elegant thing to focus on this year and the next would be letting go of more of my past. Otherwise I stand the risk of carrying it into a new and for the first time, virgin future. Not an easy task, but an imperative to the freedom of creation.

Back

I have been in the second most turbulent year of my life, I wish I had the words to share who I have moved into, the search. the discovery, it has been a fuckin "A" serious time, but I have found things in me, I had no idea were even there. It is time I stop diggin through the mud of my past, my myths, my personal distortions. I beleive I have the capacity to move beyond my own limitations, I truly do. I also know I have the capacity to be there for and with the rest of you. To know myself, where I belong, to express my strengths, to put myself in some elegant situation, to exceed and excel. Not the measurements or comparisons to the rest of you, to any of you. I will be an inspiration in my life, because I have always been. I may not know how you need to navigate yourself, but I will encourage you to do so. To encourage, entice, compel,inspire, hold you, to hold you like water, all of you held with no resistance to your whim, but you are lighter. To be like salt. I quietly step deeper into myself, as I take a deeper look in compassion at you. I am here, I am here like never before, I will be more, even as I feel more than I ever have, an exponential leap, it's just how I roll. If I can be of any assistance I commit to you. You are who I am here for, you never have to do anything alone, never again. If you are reading this, it is for you, you. You are the only one right now, you always have been. You matter and I know it. I know you, can you hear me? Can you make all you are reading now in this moment matter? Do you know how to give this weight? I am here for you...check it out and see.