The Futue IS the Source of all Healing

It has been a metaphorical decade of spiraling transcendence that had disguised itself in a mask of doubt, uncertainty, and chaos. Looking back, it was a trip down the rapids that now, after I emerge, I realize, I like it just that way. I turn and face the river with excitement, enthusiasm and a spiritedness that brings tears to my eyes, and an exuberant joy to my heart. There is nothing to fear, only to learn, I have proven to myself I can do just that. I face the next set of rapids that are and can be potentially more treacherous than the last, but I know I have the skill to navigate anything required of me. I sincerely thank all of my teachers, I know you will enjoy watching what you have influenced in me. I am a person I had no idea I could be. There is so much love in me moving forward that there is no where for it to go but out. Congratulations to all of you, I look forward...

Letting Go Of The Past

So another day closer to NYE, another day closer to the reality of a resolution that certainly does and has taken me days (years) to make real. Something I have worked on again and again, chipping away pieces, only to come to a moment of release being the terminal word. Terminally clutching a bar that has had me hanging over a chasm of chaos, seemingly, impossible to deal with.

I have been having the most intense dreams and visions that this choice has been resonating through my conscious and subconscious states. My will driving me towards healing and my will forcing me to be blind to my desires out of the terrifying fear of my own metaphorical death. I have been through death in the physical, which did change me. It has never been nearly as frightening as my fears of the internal dread I must face with real change. Change based in a completely conscious choice to do so. To watch a life, a way of thinking, in fact a life-time quietly pass.

I am breathing, I can and will allow mySelf, the one that loses just when a win can change everything, the appreciation I have for the one that has pulled myself up from my proverbial bootstraps a thousand times to prove and vindicate myself, so many times I am finally bored with the fairytale. The hero, must now die.

To have a chance to live a creative and magical existence, the past must cease to exist, and only I can take it's life, empowerment is like that. There is no future in repetition. History is and can be over, only it must be individually chosen. Courage, Will and Imagination, is what supersedes repetition, at least for me. The past is not what I have lived, my mother will still be my mother of course. It is the function of how I have interpreted those things, the Stories and Myths I have bestowed on life's characters and it's situations. Which ultimately is a pattern of thinking, the past is nothing more than a pattern we reconstruct time and again out of a fear of creating something different. Structures are breaking down.

What things do you seem to keep re-living? What failure? What success? Either one is here to teach, patterns are "integrities" to be recognized. Early acknowledgments are the paths of least resistance to change,with possibilities and potentials left intact. Late recognition/denial is a path of struggle and pain, whatsitgonnabe?

New Beginnings

I am sitting in an upper east side apartment looking out over a cool snowy landscape, being slowly melted by today's rain, so Awesome! I love to be able to visit a season when I feel the need for it. Living in LA is full time summer for the most part, this is great for the moment. I am here to relax, to take in the winter, in all I can, to contemplate the beginning of the next decade, of a new millennium. I need some time for this. For sure it is the fulcrum of the "building years" not my term, but fitting to me.

As a shaman, it is my work, our path, to set tone and intention, ahead of the consensus. To energetically create the map the rest will follow. There is always a beginning to a wave, most will never see. Being awake offers a participation here. I love knowing, being conscious of this. This is the year of Initiation, this is the year that initiates 2012 and beyond, language makes it difficult to be clear here, there are many other energies at play, the 1900's playing their part, the first octave of the new millennium (12 years) coming to a crescendo. The next wave amplifying as we move into the next tone. The one everyone unconsciously, or consciously incompetent awaits. 2012. It is and will be an epic change. You won't see it on that day, it is a marker, for the real change is in the now.

Funny how chaos brings up all the doom and gloomers, the eccentric story tellers. This will be another negative hit for the false beliefs of christianity, when "He" doesn't show up (bad father). What will the sinners do then? Perhaps to finally let it go and live and forgive and realize the only thing time has done for your future in this system, is to create a fearful and painful end. Since there really is no end, what and when does one come to the realization there is a time to live, without a fear of the end?

Responsibility is not a function of "if" it is a function of "when". 2012 will initiate this new "age", so many have talked about. There is a real beginning here, one that has never been available to the consensus, conscious reality creation. The most elegant thing to focus on this year and the next would be letting go of more of my past. Otherwise I stand the risk of carrying it into a new and for the first time, virgin future. Not an easy task, but an imperative to the freedom of creation.