X marks the spot

I am so tired.
It seems I have to run a deeper thread into a place I have been back to again and again. Threads of pain will no longer be a large enough conduit to deal with this. When I am finished I suppose it will end, I am choosing to be finished now. Lets see how deep and wide this choice will cover. I will meditate on nothing more than my choice today, to generate all the energy i might need to pass the point of no return. I do not want to just bleed off some pain, I want it healed, I cannot be who I feel is possible with this. I am grieving so much, I am not sure I can do it, I also know I can, this is the point I have to own both parts of this paradox, I cannot/do not want to live in this lacking reality, It is time to supersede. I am here to succeed. My way is yet again totally lost. I am in a darkness where there is no way out with the person I currently identify with. With the person I have been. I do not know my true self, but i can sense it's nature, I can feel it softly calling me through all the interference inside. It is not as hard to hear as it once was.

I am so sorry that so many have been waiting to see, to love, my best self, and I have denied it from so many, even me of course and for that I am truly sorry. The damage i received was a lot for me, not too much, but a lot I guess. It has been a battle, I must do everything I can now to have a victory, not even a victory, I have had many of those, but i guess I seek a victory that is actually a triumph, a victory of character, that is what is needed now.

To find the self I have lost, to bring something home, that I cannot seem to remember, but know it is there. It is time to go into solitude. I cannot find myself with anyone else now. Even this self. But this self has the clues, to dig again. I will use this solstice/equinox energy to begin today, in harmony.

I apologize to all those I have loved and done their best to love me. It is/was I'm sure difficult watching me struggle with myself. Please know Your Love has not been without impact, without it I would not have come this far. I will make it easier for all of us.
I am sorry for all the struggle, I love you, you know who you are, and I know who you are. I will change now, as I write this, I choose to put it in words as my acknowledgment of my choice, and as one of the places to make this choice more significant.
I would ask you to send me some love. I can use it, I am asking right up front for it.

Choice

Choice is seminole to all growth and to all change.
This statement holds so many truths it is hard to fathom the magnitude of it in it's simplicity.
Physical reality IS about learning how to choose, all of it.
You come in to this life vulnerable and completely deserving, you go after all of your desires, and expect them to be filled. As you learn you have power,(about 18 mos- 2 yrs, when your soul separates you emotionally from mother) your first ability and experience is usually in/with the word "no". You say no to everything, watching the world change around you in an instant with a single choice. Powerfully fascinating! As you develop you learn to give way to your choices for many different reasons, Basically Authority Figures diminish your capacities, with shame,("not deserving"), many of their own "No's", many of these"no's" appropriate some of them (their own past projections about their not deserving) not so, in teaching you the ways of "their" world.

I have been reading articles, even watching "Ted Talks" about how choice is not always easy to deal with, even going as far to say there are just too many, they create "too much anxiety". I couldn't disagree with any of this more. It is amazing how far we can go in denying the power, our given right, to choose. Something Inherent to Americans, in my opinion the fundamental basis of our true strength, core power, and our attraction.

It is the masculine in us that chooses, based on our feminine feelings. Choice does not come without feelings, and feelings do not come without choice. The masculine and feminine in balance and harmony. A little like, "what comes first the chicken or the egg?" This has nothing to do with gender, everything to do with Soul and Spirit working together in a spiraling transcendence of growth. As all things growing do. Feelings inspire thinking, that in turn create new feelings, create new inspiration, and it goes around. Growth is halted, or stunted in one of these things being out of sync or balance. In the current world it is mostly our feelings that are lacking. This with the elevation of the masculine,(chauvinism) and the concept of, " I think. therefore I am" Placing a hierarchy where the feminine is second. She (I personify the feminine and masculine aspects for easier explaining here) would not argue with this concept or resist, because she knows you will come back around to the truth when you are ready.

The feminine is the basis for creation, the masculine,(spirit) is air, temporal and non-temporal, it comes out and is created in a moment of expansion, (movement) the feminine (space) is always first, silently always there, invisible and everywhere, all possibility and the realm of possibility reside in the space around and between. All aspects and reflections of soul. Soul so denied in this modern world, many don't even know what it is, just a vague idea about it. Even religions don't speak much about it, I think because there is so much emphasis on the masculine, they cannot talk much about it, it would dilute their ideas, (their forced institutions)

So choice is something we cannot live without, but you can survive by giving it away. We do that constantly here in America, the power of our choices have been slowly usurped. Ideas of welfare, social security, too much fear, lacking personal authority, fear of Chaos, fear of the Unknown, now the power of choice too diminished to produce change easily. Also the two primary avenues of choice being given away (unconsciously of course, the best way to in essence take it),are Church and State. They have (very early in you) created patterns where a person gives it away without actually knowing, Church taking most people's spiritual responsibilities, Government taking your physical responsibilities. Without those two, you are crippled and not even aware of it.

Roll forward to a person who is aware of this. A person who "recognizes" The first step in any change.
When you start learning to choose, you start realizing your choice has been "given" (by you) to different aspects of yourself. your Child, your Adolescent, your Fears, your Neg-Ego ( which is the culprit in most arguments and competition/comparisons), and the Critical Parent, just to name a few of the basic ones that seem out of control in our modern world. Now you have to learn "who" is taking charge, and for "what" reasons? They often will have oppositional structures built on their (your) past. Things you as the adult would think are crazy. (Fear of the dark for instance) You often don't hear this anymore in your head, but you are left with the feelings. These aspects resist change, they fear the Unknown, Chaos, they are scared, so you can get confused. Confusion is a great place to be, it tells you, there is a opportunity for growth and/or healing, (when it is used appropriately without Neg-Ego judging it is bad to be confused). So we often will not choose in these instances. The feelings of fear and confusion you are getting when you don't know where they are coming from are from other aspects not aligned with your current Self or the current choice. These aspects have been in the background running for so long, you do not hear them anymore, you only feel the feelings they generate. Since feelings are of soul and eternal, they will not go away until you can choose to heal them, that is why they are there in the first place. You cannot move without "all of yourself"

All of yourselves are real and are still feeling. Why do you think you can cry when you have thoughts about your past? It is real. Heal yourself, heal the planet. Choose your destiny, choose your dreams. See who internally resists these choices. Heal those aspects, strengthen your choice and Esteem. Power is in choice, find yours, you have it, it is just jumbled up in your past, and in learned patterns that are not serving you. It is work, but what is the alternative? You are living the alternative..

When you make everything safe, you eliminate freedom

When you are told, "for your safety and security we will take responsibility your safety and security", the price you pay is your freedom, little pieces everyday, for your safety we will tap your phones, we will invade your privacy, we will lock up bad people, so you can sleep at night. All these encroachments are what we see as normal now, what do you think our founding father's would think of this?


When society (groups or religions, my huge pet peeve) becomes institutionalized, by that, it means, its goal is to sustain itself more rather than to serve the people who belong to it. In it's attempt to squelch and eliminate all chaos, the price you (they) pay is to eliminate change. You close the door to chaos, you close the door to change. It makes it impossible to grow, to actually serve the people it was designed to lead/organize. The institution itself becomes a prison for those who are part or follow it.

Chaos, is not bad, we have been conditioned to see it this way.
Without it nothing can come from possibility, no change can occur.
Chaos comes before change, during change, and after change.
Do you think this nation is changing?

Fear is not bad, we have also been conditioned to see it that way.
In Shamanism, it is considered the "Great Teacher".
Follow your fears and you will always find the lost pieces of Self. It is the direction to point your compass, it is not to turn away or run from.
Fight/Flight is a reaction, not a choice. An awake person knows the opportunity fear is calling you to. What would the monster under your bed be/look like today, if you didn't go through that fear?
Other than sex, going through your fears is the fastest path to enlightenment.

These particular mind-sets, Fear of Unknown possible future(s), fear of chaos, (All part of change), stops our growth.

I love this country, I want to see that which makes us great, stays in tact. We can do what it takes, just stop allowing our freedoms to be slowly drained from us. Be the powerful, free from fear, responding nation we have learned (and are destined) to be.

The Law of Resonance

I was asked by someone to re-open a conversation about resonance, ("vibration") So I decided to write it here. I think this is invaluable information for anyone who is on an accelerated path.

The Law of Resonance states;

If/When two vibrations of different frequencies meet they will do one of three things

1- One vibration will lift to the other's frequency
2- One vibration will lower to the other's frequency
3- Each will come to some harmony (to harmonize) in between the two frequencies

What does this have to do with healing?
In the hands of a conscious being? (not even an adept conscious being, just "aware" enough)

everything



One of the issues people seem to have with L & R (logical and reasoning) thinking when it pertains to healing is, in order for something to be "fixed" you must fix it all. This is totally not true. You actually don't have to "fix" anything. All one has to do is create an environment for healing and the person will heal elegantly on their own. A higher resonance field will lift whatever is lower than it. By the laws of resonance, every healer practices this, every modality in it's own way heals with this. The other aspect a GREAT healer deals with, and has mastered is the logic and reason of time. When you can in essence put down time, and break it's binds on your mind, you can compress weeks of healing into a moment. Because Time is also an Illusion.

Some examples of resonance at play;

When a person is angry and you can keep yourself calm, their intensity will calm faster than when you contribute to it. It is difficult to keep that intensity alone, they have to also fight against your resonance, being they are unconscious at the moment, they will come down, (provided you are honestly calm) unless of course you are being condescending, then you will lift them.

When a person is hurting or sad, and you can stay cheerful and filled with hope for them, you will "lift their spirits"

In the arena of resonance healing, Red Roses are the highest natural plant healing vibration we have on the planet.

Music is a very easy to experiment with resonance/vibrations, hit two keys, two strings any two notes, listen to them harmonize.
A Chord is a three note harmonization. A chord is a synergy, that is greater than the sum of it's parts.

The paradigm shift we are in the middle of, is moving from a "Cause and Effect" reality into a "Resonance Causation" reality.
In Physics, Cause and Effect (Descartes' physics) as a way the universe is explained was disproven about 100 years ago now. The problem is, most people do not have the Will/imagination to imagine it any different. The old idea of Cartesian physics is easy to imagine, so we still put our beliefs in it. Even though it is not correct. This shows how powerful our beliefs really are. We can measure the universe anyway we want, even incorrectly. It will comply until the idea itself cannot survive any more expansion, then problems in dis-harmony result, stress and disharmony is nothing more than a belief that is having trouble surviving your own growth. I will write more on theImagination in a future blog. It is a pivotal key in our evolution, especially at this time, when this critically powerful reality tool has been so degraded and disempowered to "just" an imagination. As I Always say,
"imagination is more powerful than Knowledge". A play off of Albert Einstein's comment.

The physical color spectrum vibrates at a specific light frequency, infra-red to ultra-violet, the physical colors we actually see are from red to violet, that's the limitation of what can be seen. Everything you see, hear, touch, taste, and smell are all functions of your limitations. All these colors along with their vibration correspond to energy centers in your body, called Chakras. These tones and corresponding colors also correspond to all body systems, functions, and skeletal structures. You are one big individual tone, of all your experiences, past, present, and future vibrating to your own tone in the universe, your individual signature. Healing will move more and more in this direction, it is the more complex truth. Evolution is about lifting to a greater complexity, as does all examples of atoms, molecules, chemistry, mineral, Plant, animal, human. They all lift to the next Vibration (complexity) Which can also be seen as the next Octave. Doe Rae Mi Fa So LA Ti--- Doe again, the next level, and around it goes into the inaudible. 7 is the number of process, all things begin and end in a process, a wave function, a vibration. Ok, I'm gonna stop right here. Did that help?

A different kind of post

I think I may write down a few of these more intimate posts about my journey. Maybe these can help too.

I woke up at 11;30, after going to bed at 11. wow. I can hardly believe how much I keep sleeping. I am beginning to think I am in some form of denial or something. I have never felt like hibernating SO much before during a winter. Things here have been really difficult in ways I cannot explain, or can even hear myself touch on the reasons. I do feel a deep uncomfortablity.
Something is bubbling up, I hope sooner than later. It is time for change again, I can feel it, but do not have a grasp on what it is at all. Logically everything here is fine, beautiful and relaxed, nothing to really complain about, but very internally uncomfortable in moments. I believe I came to Italy for a different perspective, I have come in a way, "setting myself up" to go through something big, something I have been avoiding mostly Unconsciously. That is what I can recognize, the internal (avoidance of) fear that comes up when I am resisting a needed change
I can feel I am beginning to have a very large wave of "something" lifting inside, it is making me very uneasy. I am feeling the desire and frankly the need to elevate myself, in a success oriented way, and for some reason feeling terrified to do it, but I really must. My own life is calling me to do it.

I have been hiding for sometime. I see that now. I have learned so much about what makes me happy, satisfied, in-joy, and awake on a daily basis. Without the "trappings" of success I once knew, all the consuming, businesses, cars, designer this and that, houses, etc. Now, not having those trappings is actually hindering my growth. It's not that I haven't thought of this before, it is now creating an emotional pressure I now recognize. It is not the trappings so much anymore, (by trappings I mean actually feeling trapped under the weight of what they consumed of my life and in me daily) I am looking for an expression of who I am in the world now, success should be there from an honest and deeper real place. To choose it, because I want and deserve it. To create it from my "beingness", not SO much from my elevated "doingness". "Being" is many times much more difficult than doing. I find it is it's own centered doing.

Why not live an elevated life? Without of course giving up any of what makes life truly grand. There is so much love in my life, so much peace, joy, so much fulfillment, and freedom, Especially the freedom, the thoughts and feelings of what I have done (courageously done) makes me cry thinking about how free I have become. In some way, my peace is asking me to create more success, but in a new and greater way, not anything like before.

I think I am so afraid somewhere inside to lose all i am experiencing now, or afraid I just can't really create like I did anymore, of course they are fears, not realities. I have to unearth them. I hope you didn't mind this ramble, I see it better now. Maybe you are in a similar place?

I Should have written this prior to my last post...

After attempting to write my last post I almost quit about three times. When I heard myself doing what I teach against. i have around 20 posts in different written stages because I keep having difficulty keeping them short and some of my topics are a bit "heady". I want to quietly teach, I have a lot of Love and knowledge and want to share them. I have limited myself in my own perfection, and have to change this pattern. I may not write clearly at first, or they may be too long, I will learn and I will continue to share with a greater vulnerability, so I will share them, even if they are not perfect, I hope you will at least feel I care and I have wanted and learned how to give real answers to not so real problems. Please ask me to clarify if you need me too.
Thanks for your time, patience, and your desire to change.
my very best,
Rick

Learning Trust

Explaining Trust is tricky....

Today, I was talking with another about their inability to be on time. My answer was the reason you are not on time is because you dont trust, mostly yourself. There was also a conversation in our last interaction, which was about, "no one trusted her".

They said," I sometimes start planning being 'on-time' the day before to make sure I will be".

How often is she on time, 10% of the time. She has a whole pattern in the morning before to do everything she can to get out on time, she still can't do it. THAT is what she consistently creates. That whole dramatic, controlling AM episode every time she leaves the house. How many people live this way? The more she can't seem to do it, the more she tries to control, (was up to 27 hours in advance) the more esteem she loses. She gives herself the message she cannot do what she says, she KNOWS it is the truth, she proves it so everyday.

What she is actually having a problem with mostly is trust. (Combined with the idea time is real. another article :-)

She cannot trust she will be able to do it.

So I say, "What time do you need to leave to comfortably be there?"

"One Hour, early, 9"

"if you say to yourself, I will be there on time"

"Then you must leave at 9".

"Well, i do that everyday"

In Actuality, she never LEFT at nine, she nearly always left late, that is what she does.

All you have to do is leave at 9. No matter where you are in "the getting ready" stage, just leave at 9 no matter what.

Today, you can commit to doing that, you don't have to worry for 26 hours, trust in yourself that you will leave then, no matter what.

Of course all the concerns came up about not doing it perfectly, ex; forgetting a book, or her dress attire being appropriate, brushing teeth, blah, blah... all again, "worried" because of, not trusting it will work. First you have to get in, do something different, learn the new pattern, get good at it, you might not do the new pattern perfectly day one, but it will be new, and it will be learning valuable tools to actually become better with a natural,"this IS who I am" elegance. And YOU did make it that way, self-empowered.

The thing here mostly is learning trust. If she can commit to that, let go of the control, Control is a function of not trusting. She will be learning to trust herself right now, in this very moment. Then she will have already began learning to gain trust in herself and start relaxing, learning she can do what she says, (mostly this message is for herself, not for her peers, or "how it looks good to be on time". Being on time can be a function of self-trust (also trusting the world around her) and high character, and Integrity. IF it is done in this way, you will create realities that you are trusted. These qualities instill trust and that also build trust. If you create realities you are not trusted, it is most likely because you are controlling everything to look trustworthy.

People pick up on the lack of integrity AND the covert manipulations. Manipulations aways create pain in others. That pain is not always recognized as such or in ourselves, but it is true, and you can feel it, if you just pay attention. When you don't feel good in an interaction, even when someone is saying all the right things, it is probably the subtle pain you feel in the manipulation going on. Even the manipulator may not know they are not trustworthy. We tend to have a great deal of "agreement in America", that, " the ends, justify the means" as long as things are "done",......"good enough!". It is out of character things are done easily and elegantly. Learning positive choices through character development, rather than control will yield a relaxed, happier, healthy, well rounded person, on paper the two different approaches might look exactly alike.

Betrayal

I finally figured out why I have betrayed others.
When you are betrayed at a young age, which can look like one or both of your parents left, died or physically abused you, you probably have a really large betrayal in another life you are here to deal with. Betrayal causes you to not have trust fundamentally in your belief system. You act out a betrayal early in order to Learn the long division in a sense on how to be trusted, and to trust. As a Shaman, I do know i have had several lifetimes where I was betrayed and am learning to heal those in this one. As well as the damage those lessons have manifested in this lifetime, to myself and others.
When we come into this life with lessons of betrayal, we will create it very early in life. For me it was my mother, she did not ever feel comfortable with me, we didn't click from day one. I could not feel that fundamental connection that mothering, unconditional love, that she, or the mothering figure communicates to us in physical form. Fathers are about that ability to earn love.
My mother saw me as a spitting image (appropriate definition here) of my father. (41 years later she cringes at the thought of him, he left her with two kids and no job skills, or even a drivers license for that matter) My mother and father also had some history with their parents around betrayal. Her betrayal reinforced deeply by the age of 23. Never healed.
So, she continues to attempt to betray, not understanding her role in it, a victim to other's acts of separation.
Betrayal is basically a deep separation, that has scared us, mostly our Unconscious, our sub-conscious showing us the scar by repeating the patterns of betrayal. Small ones, large ones, catastrophic ones.

In every relationship thus far, I have been betrayed and I have betrayed.

I now finally understand my own dynamic, to stop something that seemed impossible at first, because the reality keeps telling you to not trust, you'll never be loved, and get out before you get hurt.

So I gave myself away, ( it's not loved anyway), don't trust the love coming in, (because I'm not being my real self, if you knew it, you would stop), do all of this at a certain arm's distance. (because I know you will see me through the gaps of my illusion and eventually leave).

The other in the relationship just stays confused to some degree and cannot trust either, although they won't totally know why, because everything looks and sounds good. One betrayer will usually find another. It just works so nicely together reinforcing each other's pain.

Now comes the negative ego. In order to survive a betrayal, you must also need a tremendous will, if you did not have that you would surely die. The pain to get through this is too immense to do it without the will to live and survive. Negative Ego (N.E.) takes your will and uses it against you in an attempt to keep you small, keep you in chains. It is always your enemy. So it convinces you over time, you know how to get something done, you know how to will it with choice. So you do, with a certain amount of ease and grace, you know you are strong, you are, but in certain areas you are not and your N.E. knows it, and knows where you can be had. In issues of trust when you have a betrayal, it will convince you to just "choose to be trusted and trustworthy". It knows you don't have the resources for that kind of trust, at least mine did.

Here is the tricky part: You do not have an internal basis for trust, you have not gained or learned it from the mothering figure, that choice is empty. There is no weight of experience behind it. It is as if you want to lose 30 pounds and you say I want to lose 30 pounds and you don't know what you do to lose it, so it stays. There are no secondary choices in place to make it real. What other choices need to be in place? Perhaps exercise, altered eating, or just different belief structures about what you are eating, all these choices must be based in your current beliefs, your subconscious will adhere to those. Those also can be changed for more ease and elegance, but that is another blog entry.

How many things do you understand in life, where you just choose it and it happens?

By this I mean; in a three dimensional reality,(which we live in) it takes length, width and depth for something to exist. One choice is the basis for a point in space. What choices are around it to make it have substance? It is the other choices that reinforce the first choices existence. One choice cannot live/survive on its own. More choices equals greater depth, greater significance, greater mass, greater meaning. In places where you can make a choice and it sticks, it's because you have a fundamental understanding, an internal map where the other choices are already in alignment with the primary choice, unconsciously.

When you are dealing with something you are not good at, or have no internal structure for and you think, (Like I usually get many things done with a single choice) or your N.E. says, "yea, you can choose that and get'er done" and you just choose, you will not create that reality. You have no Unconscious internal structure for the choice to be more real, so it dwindles and loses it's power. and you create what looks like a breach or a still-born reality, you are not successful, and your esteem takes a hit, and your N.E. wins again. You are diminished. Your positive ego (self-esteem is diminished in a failure of choice) It is not something is "wrong", it is it will take a greater level of responsibility and understanding to make it so.

With Betrayal, you have been wounded, you are arrested internally, you did not gain trust, you did not learn the grounded reliability in Love, how it looks and tastes and feels to trust, to feel you could lean. You learn to be self-absorbed, possibly narcissistic to some degree. Because those can be symptoms of pain, of dis-trust. A compensation for its lack.

If you are a betrayer, you most likely are trying to learn the long-division of this dynamic, you can turn this weakness into an immense strength, because it will be conscious, you will have to understand all its aspects to make it so. It now has a potential to be rock-solid. It is your path to learn it, why else would you be creating/living/responding to it?

So, it will be an individual experience. It will be all the secondary thoughts and feelings, sensations that reinforce your choice to be trustworthy. To hold your line for love. Where are the arenas where you wave off your choice to be stable, is it in your "normal" everyday interactions with the other gender? (or the same), how do you not create security for the other, does the other use control to try to get you to "do" certain things that would communicate security for them? Maybe things you think are OK, are really keeping you away, you must see your own dynamic here, no more examples will make sense, you have to find the places you do not create security and trust in the other, we will all do that differently. This is the very basis of responsibility (respond-ability). Just look for the places you rationalize your behaviors around another, where do you blame them? You can do this, I did it and so can you, heal yourself, be yourself.

America and the New Freedom

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(Sorry the original photo was removed by Yahoo)

To Most of the people in my email list. This photo was taken by my friend Wendy at a rally at the state capitol yesterday. The news will not show it and the Capitol Police and Homeland Security would not let Americans or any of the Veterans that were there do anything about it. My husband and his friends were threatened to be arrested and were told they would be booked under federal charges if they did anything. I am sending this to you so that you in turn can start emailing it to every one on your list. It is totally uncalled for and people need to see it. This is not about politics and rhetoric, it is about a direct threat to our country. Those of you that don't live in Arizona will maybe get a chance to see the other side of what the news is telling you. If this offends you great, than I have truly accomplished what I set out to do.
I understand that sometimes we don't see eye to eye on certain things, but that is the right our forefathers fought for. I am an American before I am anything else. For those of you who choose to dismiss this I am truly sorry that our association must stop here. You can delete me from your facebook or from your email because if you believe that this is okay I believe you are a traitor to this country and everything it stands for. I am not a racist and I am not a Nazi this has nothing to do with race, it has to do with respect to the country that is continually taking you in and turning a blind eye to your agenda.
Homeland Security was designed to identify and defend America from Terrorist acts yet yesterday it let illegal and legal citizens of this country desecrate the Flag. People were spitting on it, stomping on it and burning it with cigarettes. One soldier who had just returned from Iraq tried to grab the flag and was thrown to the ground by the Capitol Police and Homeland Security.
It amazes me how many people will stand against the American People while all the while prospering from our system and our government.

This was my response,

It is disappointing what is going on. The force behind all this in either direction is not the answer, the answer has not shown itself yet. We are stuck in a dark paradox where we have the right, the right to shit, hate and demonstrate our feelings for ourselves. (Adolescent mind sets will begin to physically demonstrate when the are distressed) As well as the right to protect our values and beliefs. Domination ultimately doesn't work. You see it in the medical field in regard to diseases, super viruses are the effects of viruses mutating in order to live, stronger basically because the force of how we try to defeat and destroy them. They are stronger than they were,because of how we deal with them, now getting too strong for the same means of getting rid of them, everything wants to live. We must calmly start doing the right thing, our country lacks a tremendous amount of character. something that made us great in the first place. We Created a new way to be in the world. That was an immense act of character. All the control we started exerting with our power, (somewhere around WW2) we were doing to "make democracy safe for the world", (control is the antithesis to love and creativity, didn't we start this country based on the love of these things?) not bad, we just don't know who we are anymore, it's time to re-evaluate, take back as much of our basic freedoms that we have lost over time, (given the opportunism our own system created, by NOT being responsible with our freedoms and desires for it) Two of our basic gifts as Americans are being free and merciful, (symbol of the eagle), we must not lose anymore of this. It will not/cannot be by force this time. That was an old way of dealing. One person, Timothy Mc Veigh, shut the country down single handedly, we cannot defeat this kind of enemy with force and control. We need a new way, and elegant means of creating a place where these things just do not grow. It will mean coming up with a new design to what is freedom, not freedom without responsibility (what so much of this current stuff is), but a new freedom with a deeper sense and understanding of what freedom really is, the ability to act. More (deeper) responsibility takes all considerations into account and then acts, there are answers to everything, we must uncover the right and true answers to be free, for all ideas and aspects to exist, not a simple task, but it is exactly the one we in our greatness are being called on to do. And we will succeed. Fear choices will deteriorate our belief structure. Fear breeds mediocrity, we are most definitely in fear at this time.
I am on the side of success, and finding the right answers, I do not advocate either side in this, I see it as the two sides of the same coin, neither are on the track for/of success, both will fail, and destroy this country trying to prove who is right. (It is also why our system was based in a three tiered government, checks and balances) We are technically fighting ourselves. This is about choice and freedom, deeper freedom with responsibility, not right and wrong. America cannot afford to express,"the means justifies the ends" mentality any longer. I love this country so much, I see what makes us great and how to keep our greatness, I just don't see anyone doing the right thing yet. I am, that is all I can do, be one voice holding a torch for all I see us to be, and hope others will see it. I hope you can hear my point and love me as a friend. I would never do anything to hurt this country, but I would not chance to die for it again either. i so want to see us great again, inspiring the world with hope and freedom, grace and compassion, mercy and respect for all thinking. I know we have the ability, it was given to us in our own construction,(constitution) will and can we see it a new?

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."— Winston Churchill

With Love and respect,
Rick

America and the New Freedom

(Sorry the original photo was removed by Yahoo)

To Most of the people in my email list. This photo was taken by my friend Wendy at a rally at the state capitol yesterday. The news will not show it and the Capitol Police and Homeland Security would not let Americans or any of the Veterans that were there do anything about it. My husband and his friends were threatened to be arrested and were told they would be booked under federal charges if they did anything. I am sending this to you so that you in turn can start emailing it to every one on your list. It is totally uncalled for and people need to see it. This is not about politics and rhetoric, it is about a direct threat to our country. Those of you that don't live in Arizona will maybe get a chance to see the other side of what the news is telling you. If this offends you great, than I have truly accomplished what I set out to do.
I understand that sometimes we don't see eye to eye on certain things, but that is the right our forefathers fought for. I am an American before I am anything else. For those of you who choose to dismiss this I am truly sorry that our association must stop here. You can delete me from your facebook or from your email because if you believe that this is okay I believe you are a traitor to this country and everything it stands for. I am not a racist and I am not a Nazi this has nothing to do with race, it has to do with respect to the country that is continually taking you in and turning a blind eye to your agenda.
Homeland Security was designed to identify and defend America from Terrorist acts yet yesterday it let illegal and legal citizens of this country desecrate the Flag. People were spitting on it, stomping on it and burning it with cigarettes. One soldier who had just returned from Iraq tried to grab the flag and was thrown to the ground by the Capitol Police and Homeland Security.
It amazes me how many people will stand against the American People while all the while prospering from our system and our government.

This was my response,

It is disappointing what is going on. The force behind all this in either direction is not the answer, the answer has not shown itself yet. We are stuck in a dark paradox where we have the right, the right to shit, hate and demonstrate our feelings for ourselves. (Adolescent mind sets will begin to physically demonstrate when the are distressed) As well as the right to protect our values and beliefs. Domination ultimately doesn't work. You see it in the medical field in regard to diseases, super viruses are the effects of viruses mutating in order to live, stronger basically because the force of how we try to defeat and destroy them. They are stronger than they were,because of how we deal with them, now getting too strong for the same means of getting rid of them, everything wants to live. We must calmly start doing the right thing, our country lacks a tremendous amount of character. something that made us great in the first place. We Created a new way to be in the world. That was an immense act of character. All the control we started exerting with our power, (somewhere around WW2) we were doing to "make democracy safe for the world", (control is the antithesis to love and creativity, didn't we start this country based on the love of these things?) not bad, we just don't know who we are anymore, it's time to re-evaluate, take back as much of our basic freedoms that we have lost over time, (given the opportunism our own system created, by NOT being responsible with our freedoms and desires for it) Two of our basic gifts as Americans are being free and merciful, (symbol of the eagle), we must not lose anymore of this. It will not/cannot be by force this time. That was an old way of dealing. One person, Timothy Mc Veigh, shut the country down single handedly, we cannot defeat this kind of enemy with force and control. We need a new way, and elegant means of creating a place where these things just do not grow. It will mean coming up with a new design to what is freedom, not freedom without responsibility (what so much of this current stuff is), but a new freedom with a deeper sense and understanding of what freedom really is, the ability to act. More (deeper) responsibility takes all considerations into account and then acts, there are answers to everything, we must uncover the right and true answers to be free, for all ideas and aspects to exist, not a simple task, but it is exactly the one we in our greatness are being called on to do. And we will succeed. Fear choices will deteriorate our belief structure. Fear breeds mediocrity, we are most definitely in fear at this time.
I am on the side of success, and finding the right answers, I do not advocate either side in this, I see it as the two sides of the same coin, neither are on the track for/of success, both will fail, and destroy this country trying to prove who is right. (It is also why our system was based in a three tiered government, checks and balances) We are technically fighting ourselves. This is about choice and freedom, deeper freedom with responsibility, not right and wrong. America cannot afford to express,"the means justifies the ends" mentality any longer. I love this country so much, I see what makes us great and how to keep our greatness, I just don't see anyone doing the right thing yet. I am, that is all I can do, be one voice holding a torch for all I see us to be, and hope others will see it. I hope you can hear my point and love me as a friend. I would never do anything to hurt this country, but I would not chance to die for it again either. i so want to see us great again, inspiring the world with hope and freedom, grace and compassion, mercy and respect for all thinking. I know we have the ability, it was given to us in our own construction,(constitution) will and can we see it a new?

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."— Winston Churchill

With Love and respect,
Rick

Loss...

I wanted to post this letter I wrote to a dear friend, It is something I want to share, she touches me, and I feel her so much when I read this.

Hi Deborah!

It is such a treat to hear from you!
I know your health is deteriorating, I am so sorry aging seems to be so undignified in many respects in our current age of younger is better, who wants to get old mentality. Also, the speed everything is moving can't be easy as one ages.

I want you to know, you have touched me in many inexplicable ways, but I will attempt to share some of what I can. You have showed me what richness and presence age can have on a person. You are one of the most gracious and beautiful people I have ever met, your sense of class and charm has out-shined anyone I currently know. Your attention to detail is something to be admired. You are sweet and caring, beautiful, gracious, warm, and your life has served these things in a way it would show if you did nothing more than sat there and listened. I find this is the grace of age, and you have captured it in spades. You have tasted the best of so much, your passion for the sensual, the depth and the richness of experience permeates all around you and in your life, I see the reflections and echoes all around you. You are so special and such a rare treat to have had the pleasure of spending some time with. You qualify for life's most prestigious gift, Attainment with its achievement, triumph with is lifting of character. You are something Deborah. I want to live a life as you have, I will and i am, but I have not captured it with such a style, filled with intimacy and grace and security, as you have, but I see your map, and I will do my utmost to follow it. It is a map worth following. Part of being such a graceful person, is living beyond your peers, as you would not want them to experience a loss of someone like you, to not create pain in anyone, so you are going last. I also can see you waiting, so you can assist in presence. I will do the same. I do feel I see your best self. It is plain to see.

As you know, I have died, I can share a little something intellectually with you about that. I haven't said this to everyone, but i will say it to you, it feels appropriate.
When you pass, the first thing you feel is freedom,almost like you suddenly got better. But WAY better Like you have your wits and presence in a 17 year old body, but even better. In ways you only will recognize by how good , good can feel, feelings so ecstatic, you will recognize it as painless, or pain-free. Pain-free in ways you will not recognize, pains you know, and most you did not. You will not feel separated, you will actually feel closer, you will see the biggest picture, how everything is perfect as it happened. You will go on for a bit, you will have no concept of time,pain or want. Your ideas of religion and the afterlife will play out for a minute or what seems like it, until your imagination runs out "ideas". Then you start recognizing your true self, how hugely perfect, how immensely powerful and beautiful and loved you are. How this all was an elaborate game, a game you (we) set up for fun and self awareness. It is an amazing experience to have this awareness and be back to live a life fully, that's why I admire you so much, I just see you. That's why I cannot live a life that does not reflect my greatest strengths. Mistakes are things we do, not things we should punish ourselves for. Punishment never really has an positive effects on our character and growth, if anything it inhibits it.

I hope this gives you a little peace and a little comfort, it doesn't have to be so painful, dying is a harder thing to do than most think. It is the ultimate in letting go and receiving the fullness of life, it is the end. Death is the ultimate healer. You are getting close, don't fear it, don't resist and suffer either, it actually is pretty fun when it all starts happening. I would offer myself to you as a guide to be there with you when you pass. I know it's a bit much to say, I know you enough, I think that you wouldn't, and I hope you can forgive me for asking, but I wouldn't feel complete unless I offered it to you, I just care. Having someone there with confidence composure and joy for your passing makes it easier, even if I stand in the corner. You will see a greater magnitude of this discussion as things progress. You will remember this, and you will laugh. I love you, I really do. I will send you comfort and love and as many hugs as I will remember to, even if you don't feel them or are aware of them, they are there. Sorry I didn't get to spend more time with you, but the time spent was spent well to me.
Please keep in touch if you feel like it, I may be a resource to you as a place to speak intimately and openly, completely confidentially.
Lots and Lots of Love,
Rick

Do people know how often they contradict themselves?

This is a pretty ridiculous statement. People actually spent time and money on this. Don't tolerate Intolerance. Isn't that an intolerance in itself? This other sticker is on many bumpers, which I find ridiculous as well.

None of these religions really can co-exist, even though they actually do. The only way they can exist is as they do, it will never get better based on the beliefs that establish them. Being they are all based (for the most part) in singular authority.

By that I mean, they hold that someone has to be number one, and it is us and our beliefs, because the best ultimately is first,(the big 1, even looks like a dick). Which incidentally the number one really is the second number, with zero being first. The feminine is always first, represented by "0".


The religions have never been measured against each other under the same criteria, Of course it is and always has been impossible to measure apples to apples, with so much incongruity, but people seem to enjoy doing it anyway. This ultimately is a function of chauvinism. How can the jews actually co-exist with anyone when they think they are the chosen race? They are waiting for God to come and decide and prove ultimately, but in "their end", they believe they will be the last one standing. They also use this position to justify many poor behaviors. There is no co-existing in their belief structure really. They are creating a future where they will be redeemed as the chosen ones. Basically waiting for all who aren't jewish to go to hell, gnash your teeth, or some other awful end.

I am not here to pick on the jews either, I am a heretic, all religion with it's "spiritual systems" are not going to hold up in the future, they are supported by lies and half-truths. Half-truths are worse than lies, because it is difficult to discern the real truth, when some of the statements are close to being right, or have "some" truth in them. The christians are no different, the arabs, catholics, baptists, lutherans, protestants, muslims (screaming the loudest in their chauvinism) There isn't a religion on this sticker that has a future of co-existence, they all think they are right in their perspectives. So right they would die for the arrogance to hold up their "better thans".


The future is where all things originate, not the past. They all are based in a paradigm that will and must cease to exist. The sooner that is recognized the more elegantly we can avoid a lot of struggle and pain now and in our future. Singular authority and linear thinking have reached their peak, it is in a state of diminishing returns. Can we just grow up now and have some far more sacred and possibly gracious ideas? After all adulthood has always been a choice.

Nine

I have always loved the movies, I especially love how my Unconscious communicates to me through them. I have a weekly Sunday evening ritual, I go to the movies, I show up around the times I know a grouping will start, and I just see the next one. This is a RITUAL I have trained myself and my Unconscious for, a most willful habit, as well as leaving it up to the universe to share with me. I do not look at what movies are playing or have any predetermined idea of any kind. When I get there, I look at the times and I go to whatever is playing next. No matter, if I know nothing of the movie, even if I think I have no interest in it. I have occasionally seen some interesting cartoons to say the least! LOL

Tonight I saw NINE. The metaphors were easy and it was simple, not as complex an array such as The Single Man, I will have to see that a couple more times now for sure, too many to deal with in one sitting... Not for the gay element, I'm straight. :-)

It was a story about how every man has to come to the day he will choose manhood, over the addiction of adolescence. How life calls you to move towards having a sense of oneness, togetherness. How torn we can be between the shame of not being in integrity, the powerlessness in that loss of strength when that integrity is breached, and the call of what we once sensed as the raw essence of power within us. How the child part of ourselves, as well as our mother, and our adolescent comes to play when we are maturing. How they need to be fulfilled before we can have a certain level of partnership. To learn how to respond, with our Best Self. Adolescence can be so powerful, for a man, that amazing feeling of invincibility and virility is something that when it wains, or more often than not, the fear of it wains, we can let ourselves be controlled by our own fear of mortality and vulnerability. Fear of a life missing that critical element that feels so much like the essence of being a man. In the Enneagram he is clearly a 7, as am I, (I am also Italian) so there were some particularly poignant moments.

There is also one other element that would pertain to my own metaphor, having to do with the number nine, it is the Archetype of the Hermit. The movie did not reflect any of it's attributes, but since it was the the title, there are some obvious things to consider.
It represents that of the wise way-shower. The hermit is a sage, (like the 5 type) not simply searching for truth and justice but bringing them to others. He stands at a precipice, like the Fool, but knows when to stop. He is not, like the Fool, on a quest or adventure. (like the 7) He seeks to bring light to others. This is one of the positions I place myself in, that of more of a mapmaker, but that is not an archetype. I also see that in order to bring a more clear light, I have more work to do with my child, but that number is in a very significant position, the title. Things are closer than I might sometimes think. I can deal with that, nice! The 7 integrates into the 5.


This week, I will be working a bit deeper and specifically with the connections missing with myself and my mother. Perhaps letting go of this past in particular would serve me greater and more elegantly. I have been over these many times, but I will trust my metaphorical "weekly growth call". I also must take a deeper look at my fear of losing what has always "felt" like the root of being a man, that dominating urge for connection and the movement towards the feminine, combined with the raw energy of conception. What could be more safe and elegant than learning from a movie?

Change

Today I took another level of responsibility in the world, it was time to separate a group of attitudes and beliefs from myself, ie: The consensus. To be a candle flicker outside, to live and illuminate from a new perspective.

I decided to free write today beginning my first sentence with, "My image of "us" as Human Beings is...". This was not for public or even sharing purposes, it was an exercise in Sub-conscious expression. No holding back, anything. Wow, talk about having some epiphanies about how I really see the world. I was amazed at how I believe we/I operate. Included in my perception was how the news portrays us, parents, religions, governments, authorities, different systems etc. All of that right out of my own psyche. I now have a greater understanding of why the world keeps fitting into an old outdated way of seeing it. Why the cry for change has gone mostly unattended. One at a time we must remove ourselves from being driven by outside influences. As it has wisely been said, Nothing Changes Until YOU Do.

I wanted to really get down to the essence of what I had written, so, I broke that down, condensed it to a paragraph, down to a sentence and down to a word. Energetically I am creating a word that holds the energy of my Image, (all my writing from my sub-conscious, defined) the word that came to me and my writing was, Estranged. Huh...

That sounded and felt really right. So much of this at the root of so many of my attitudes, even at it's core my manipulating God, by ME turning my back to them.

–verb (used with object), -tranged, -trang⋅ing.

1.	to turn away in feeling or affection; make unfriendly or hostile; alienate the affections of

share the sense of causing (someone) to turn away from a previously held state of affection, comradeship, or allegiance. Estrange often implies replacement of love or belonging by apathy or hostility

When push came to shove, I have always turned away from love, chosen independence and self-reliance in lieu of receiving from my Self, others and my Soul. I would rather push something away, than be rejected by it.

This is what I have done, much of my life. Not absolutely, I function very well as most would agree, but to move myself to a new level of how to see and function in the world was a constant battle of will, choosing the new direction again and again. This old mentality constantly returning me to a degree of separation, in my own negative judgmental, internal whining (at God, more manipulating like a child) to WHHHY doesn't it CHAAANGE!?? I could never stay (sustain) truly Intimate. With people, places or things. They scare me, because of how I keep seeing the world. My past has shown me they will eventually let me down or worse yet hurt me. Dropping that shizzle today. NEW DEAL.

The world (in short,lol) looked angry, unsafe, without support, separated, difficult, overexerted, alone, without compassion and wounded.

How many of us might be holding that same structure as we look for change?


My NEW word is Accept.

1. to take or receive (something offered); receive with approval
or favor: to accept a present; to accept a proposal.

2.	to agree or consent to; accede to: to accept a treaty; to accept an apology.

3.	to respond or answer affirmatively to

4.	to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc.,

5.	to receive or admit formally

6.	to accommodate or reconcile oneself to

7.	to regard as true or sound; believe: to accept a claim.

to regard as normal, suitable, or usual.

I Accept my connection to all that is, and the gift of being human. My Life can be an open, loving, connected, joyful expression of my humanness. I can live as an individual, and feel completely supported, in a painless, carefree, caring, vulnerable, and intimate with all parts of my life. It goes on, But you get the idea, sounds better doesn't it? I am doing this, You can too.
It takes a perspective shift AND a re-program to be elegantly long-term.