Learning Trust

Explaining Trust is tricky....

Today, I was talking with another about their inability to be on time. My answer was the reason you are not on time is because you dont trust, mostly yourself. There was also a conversation in our last interaction, which was about, "no one trusted her".

They said," I sometimes start planning being 'on-time' the day before to make sure I will be".

How often is she on time, 10% of the time. She has a whole pattern in the morning before to do everything she can to get out on time, she still can't do it. THAT is what she consistently creates. That whole dramatic, controlling AM episode every time she leaves the house. How many people live this way? The more she can't seem to do it, the more she tries to control, (was up to 27 hours in advance) the more esteem she loses. She gives herself the message she cannot do what she says, she KNOWS it is the truth, she proves it so everyday.

What she is actually having a problem with mostly is trust. (Combined with the idea time is real. another article :-)

She cannot trust she will be able to do it.

So I say, "What time do you need to leave to comfortably be there?"

"One Hour, early, 9"

"if you say to yourself, I will be there on time"

"Then you must leave at 9".

"Well, i do that everyday"

In Actuality, she never LEFT at nine, she nearly always left late, that is what she does.

All you have to do is leave at 9. No matter where you are in "the getting ready" stage, just leave at 9 no matter what.

Today, you can commit to doing that, you don't have to worry for 26 hours, trust in yourself that you will leave then, no matter what.

Of course all the concerns came up about not doing it perfectly, ex; forgetting a book, or her dress attire being appropriate, brushing teeth, blah, blah... all again, "worried" because of, not trusting it will work. First you have to get in, do something different, learn the new pattern, get good at it, you might not do the new pattern perfectly day one, but it will be new, and it will be learning valuable tools to actually become better with a natural,"this IS who I am" elegance. And YOU did make it that way, self-empowered.

The thing here mostly is learning trust. If she can commit to that, let go of the control, Control is a function of not trusting. She will be learning to trust herself right now, in this very moment. Then she will have already began learning to gain trust in herself and start relaxing, learning she can do what she says, (mostly this message is for herself, not for her peers, or "how it looks good to be on time". Being on time can be a function of self-trust (also trusting the world around her) and high character, and Integrity. IF it is done in this way, you will create realities that you are trusted. These qualities instill trust and that also build trust. If you create realities you are not trusted, it is most likely because you are controlling everything to look trustworthy.

People pick up on the lack of integrity AND the covert manipulations. Manipulations aways create pain in others. That pain is not always recognized as such or in ourselves, but it is true, and you can feel it, if you just pay attention. When you don't feel good in an interaction, even when someone is saying all the right things, it is probably the subtle pain you feel in the manipulation going on. Even the manipulator may not know they are not trustworthy. We tend to have a great deal of "agreement in America", that, " the ends, justify the means" as long as things are "done",......"good enough!". It is out of character things are done easily and elegantly. Learning positive choices through character development, rather than control will yield a relaxed, happier, healthy, well rounded person, on paper the two different approaches might look exactly alike.